The Office Freezer is a Magical World

This morning started off like any other. I arrived to a darkened office a few minutes before five AM, turned on the lights, and walked to the kitchenette area to put my container of last night's leftovers in the fridge only to find the refrigerator door slightly ajar. 


After I placed my lunch in the refrigerator, I attempted to close the door in vain. In my morning grogginess, I failed to see the layer of frost that grew over the freezer door flap. I wiped the thin, icy buildup from the flap, assuming that was what kept the door from closing, read the note on the flap "When frost builds to 1/8", please defrost. Failure to do so may obstruct movement of freezer door.," and tried once more. Following a closer review, I saw the pin-end of the hinge on the right side of the freezer flap was pushed out of its housing. "Oh," I thought, "the frost must have built up more than 1/8 of an inch."

That was an understatement. I attempted to open the freezer flap to clean the frost but failed, so I removed the flap altogether. What I saw was a world north of the Wall; a frozen realm of wonder and mystery. I had to clear out the icy buildup above my turkey breast, couscous, and mixed vegetables in order to keep them fresh for lunch. So, I began the task of clearing the freezer and was pulled into a world I was ill-prepared for; I'm wearing a polo shirt. 

I think that may be more than 1/8 of an inch.

I think that may be more than 1/8 of an inch.

I drew in closer, in spite of the ominous-looking stalactites, thinking I saw something...


I was pulled inside this supernatural ice box and became the unwilling witness of a familiar scene, as goose bumps began to grow on my torso, which was poorly protected by my polo shirt, and I swore I heard the disembodied voice of Sir Alec Guinness


As my eyes adjusted to the skewed white balance, I saw an armored man suspended from the ceiling of this office ice cave. He was reaching for what looked to be a blaster, while a threatening-looking creature approached from the left side of the cave. The armored man was able to free himself from his icy snare as the creature drew closer. The two engaged in a standoff of sorts.


As I began to fear the worst, the armored man convinced the creature to follow him and ran past me, without even a glance cast in my direction, and took off deeper into the chasm as the creature lumbered behind him. Curious, I followed suit and stopped short above a snow-covered hill. The armored man produced a black snowboard from someplace I didn't see, stepped into it, and hurled down the hill like Shaun White in Halo armor.

What surprised me even more was that the creature stepped on to a ice-covered pond and executed a perfect double axle figure skating maneuver, landing expertly on one foot, with a grace I didn't think possible. 


As I looked on in wonder, I felt a tug on the collar of my polo and was pulled back into the [slightly] warmer office as I heard the door close from behind the kitchenette. I looked up to see the confused face of a coworker, wondering why I was laying on the floor, covered in ice, and playing with little toys in the refrigerator. 


As work slowed, I returned to my task of ensuring the freshness of my leftovers. This time, I was armed with tools. Much like Vicerion destroying the wall, I obliterated the ancient ice within our office appliance. Bits of cardboard from the box of some prepared meal, a vestige of a bygone era, flew past me as it was finally freed from its icy tomb; untouched by any employee, possibly since the refrigerator began its tenure with this company. 

Finally, my task was accomplished and I emerged triumphantly from the kitchenette to the sounds of my coworkers regaling me with the greatest of compliments: "you done?"

Fear not, Eric, the sanctity of your enchiladas is intact.